based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
PANTIES FOUND
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
