my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
