What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
