9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
