Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize