We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
