She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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