I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
we should paint friendship bongs
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