onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
