I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
