Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
