U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
