when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
And then he peed in my hair
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