My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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