We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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