come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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