Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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