I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
