we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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