I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize