; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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