this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize