so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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