So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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