i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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