You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
