***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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