Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
