I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
