The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
