Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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