Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
