This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
being pregnant is like rehab
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
