no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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