she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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