I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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