The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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