just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
