Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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