community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
