Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
now i know why i became what i already was.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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