i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize