god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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