how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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