ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
