my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize