she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
