yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
