Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
