I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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