I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
