just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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