Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Oh god it's open bar.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
