Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
