Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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