Only a mothe r could love this liver
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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