wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize