I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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