you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
