I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize