Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
