remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
