Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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