I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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