I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize