Me. At least after what I've been through.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
