It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
