Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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