he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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