i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
