turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
