Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
