i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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