How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
