he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
