she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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