just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I didn't shave. On purpose
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
