new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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