Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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