Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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