So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
