The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This toilet bowl is my home.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
