Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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