We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
