There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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