A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
