You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
