you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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