is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
