would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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