it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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