I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
