At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
